Lost in Translation

In preparation for the blizzard that is supposed to hit Germany this weekend, all citizens were advised to get emergency goods (food, water, etc) to last for up to 4 days. This meant that I had to go out to the grocery store in 70km/hr winds with snow falling and get some food. In the process, however, I found an entire section of the store that was, quite simply, odd – and well filled with a series of Lost (gained?) in Translation moments. Luckily, I had my trusty camera phone so I can share with everyone a bit of a laugh.

Starting off – the chocolates – both are dark chocolate. One is written in German and translates to “Black Man chocolate”, the other English, but both seem to go to a different (perhaps more racist?) time:

Black Man's dark chocolateBlack Power ( leopard) chocolate

Then, there’s the alcohol… Some of these you’ll have to use your own imagination for. Others are rather laughable. Explanations below where I think necessary….

20 Year Fall of Berlin Wall Liquor

20 years of “wall fall” liquor. It’s got arty drawings on the front of the Berlin wall being crashed through by a Trabant – and 4 leaders celebrating on one side of the box. On the other, the same 4 leaders have quotes about their role in the Berlin wall. The bottles? The cartoon of the leader, and it says under them the role each played. Perhaps if someone can better translate this for me, it’d make more sense, but seriously? I don’t want to drink shots that have come from the Berlin Wall 20 years ago. It might just taste like the gas in that old Trabant…..

6 "bum" packs of vodka

Now I don’t know about you, but really – Any Vodka that proudly proclaims they’re “the Bum Pocket drink” must taste like ASS. Don’t think I wanna try it. Thank you, but No thank you….

Viagra and Crossing Man liquor

Let’s see… this one has Viagra Blue (with words around it like recipes included, Good, Fun, Helps, Men) and the famed “ampel man” of East Berlin (the cross walk guy) with his “red” for “don’t walk” and “green” for walk liquors. These are sitting RIGHT NEXT to each other in the store. Are the store people trying to hint something about the crossing guard man? Things that make you go hum….

Finally, Unicum herbal liquor next to the goldwasser (gold water) liquor. Let’s just say that if you put your mind in the gutter, you really don’t want to go there….

Unicum liquor

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A Funny Thing Happened at the Mexican Restaurant….

Here it is, it’s Saturday. After several weeks of travelling around and having a house guest when I was home, I finally have a day off (I got roped into working on Sunday) to myself. Thing is that as usual, this social butterfly made mention that I was off on Saturday and within about 3 hours, my Saturday day off calendar was full.
I LOVE My friends, and I Love the fact that I rarely have to actively seek something to do with my time. There’s always someone with something going on that I can join – or if I mention in passing that I want to do such & such, it’s quickly – that’s awesome – lets do it – and done.
Anyhow, part of the plan was that after not having seen my dear Norseman, Scott, (he’s such a sweetie!) in quite a while, we’d meet up at Potsdamer Platz and go to lunch. From there, who knows – maybe wander the city if the weather was nice, or maybe pop in for a movie if it wasn’t bad.
I get to Potsdamer Platz way late (my train line is under construction.. don’t get me started than to say that a 45 minute trip is taking 2 HOURS – 5 trains and a bus between stations) which means around 2PM instead of the 1PM we were rather expecting. Anyhow, after meeting at the internet cafe (seriously a great way to kill time while waiting on someone), we headed up the street to the cancun mexican restaurant for lunch.
Now, I have to say that the Cancun Mexican Restaurant is what Germany thinks that mexican food should be like. It is, in no way, shape, or form anything like what we in the US know as mexican food -heck, not even what we would call southwestern food. They do, however, make a mean margarita, and delicious strawberry dacqueris.
After looking over the menu, the waiter comes, and asks us what we want to drink. Scott and I both agreed that we’d order a caraffe (1.5 liters or about 8 oz size glass of daquiri for for each) of strawberry daquiris to share. Only, the waiter didn’t understand what we wanted. I pointed to it on the GERMAN menu. He still didn’t get it. So, I say “not the small one -the big one” in German. He still doesn’t understand. I say a “caraffe” you know – the 1.5 liter of daquris. He shakes his head “no”. So then, Scott tries in English. “A pitcher?” making a sort of large size hand shape indicating the caraffe. The waiter replies – Ohhh .. Yaah.. Pitcher of bier? Dark, light, white? No, we both reply – of daquiris.. strawberry daquiris the large size of Daquiris. “Ok” says the waiter, “I must check with the bartender.”
We thought he got that we wanted the caraffe … because he shook his head yes. Only, when he came back, he brought a literal BEER PITCHER of daquiris. A BEER pitcher – and two glasses. This amounts to about 3.5 liters of daquiris for two of us. Scott and I looked at each other – we had a literal bucket of daquiris…. and two glasses. Neither of us had eaten breakfast, and well… we couldn’t really send it back and say it was TOO MUCH, now could we? After all, we had asked for a PITCHER … and this was clearly something lost in translation….

A Pitcher of Daquris

Fast forward by 35 minutes (and to be fair, a couple calls to folks to see if they’d like to join us but no one did….) ….2/3 of the pitcher is gone, and our food has arrived. We’re starting to feel a little buzz, and are thankful for the food. Only, it apparently wasn’t enough food – because as we ate – the more we were feeling the alcohol… (hot food weighing the slushie daquiris into melty goodness that floods through the system faster)…

Halfway through...

and since we had nothing else to drink, we of course, finished off the pitcher of daquiris.

Ha Ha - I got the last one...The end of the pitcher... NO!!

In the end, we were a bit “slushy” by the time 3PM rolled around. Yeah, no kidding. To the point where we started walking toward the flea market on the other side of the tiergarten park and halfway through, I decided it was a nice sunny day.. and I didn’t feel so good. Scott.. “we’re finding a bench to sit down on right?” Me: “Nope.. not so much…. Ahh.. look, a nice patch of grass…. I’m going to sit (correction: lay) right here until I feel better. DOH! SUNSHINE in MY EYES. Oh well.. sunshine. Nice.. sunshine good… Oh well…”

Scott - MY GOD THE SUN!

Eventually, I did feel better, and we got up and went and found a bench.. across from a statue of a guy riding a horse. Marcellus called – and we told him what had happened. Funny thing is that when he asked where we were, my only answer was “In Tiergarten park, somewhere, across from a statue of a guy on a horse”.. He replied with “Um.. yeah, ok that’s a little vague. You’re in Europe, across from a statue of a guy on a horse… Naahh, doesn’t exist.” (LOL if you know Europe, there’s about a million of these things… almost everywhere you turn….) But.. for the record, here’s the guy on the horse statue:

A Guy on a Horse

And a picture of us sitting on the bench… with me feeling a little better…
A little Better now...

From there, we started walking toward the flea market, only.. we got side tracked (SHINY) by a burger king – where we paused for Scott to get ice cream and me to get french fries….

Have it Your Way!ICE MILK - and oreo cookies Yum!

Feeling a bit more sober, we then went off to John’s house to watch battlestar gallactica, the latest episode of lost and have some pizza. Later, we went to a movie – and caught a few pictures of the set up for the premier night of the movie “speed racer”.

Speed Racer Premier
Speed Racer Yellow car
Speed Racer Cars

Amazingly, I did have my camera though all of this – and I only made one drunk dial (sorry T for bugging you, but I hope the hiccups and giggles in the middle of the message made you laugh) because I owed it to T. All in all, I suppose the philosophy of “this will make a good story for the blog”, and “Bottoms up – it’s 5 O’clock somewhere” from me – and “You know it’s alcohol abuse if we don’t finish this pitcher” from Scott… worked out in the end.
Oh – and the total cost for that big ass pitcher of Daquiris? 20 Euro. That’s it. Less than the cost of the movie we saw later. Go figure!
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Watching Paint Dry

I’m sitting here, at home, watching paint dry on my windows. Typical Germany, I had to take an entire day off to let the guys caulk and paint the inside and outside of 2 windows. (Ok he IS working the entire building – but.. it shouldn’t take 2 hours for 2 windows, then 3 hours to dry and 2 more hours to come back and do a second coat…)

On the bright side, it’s gorgeous weather outside (I’m trying to keep the dog from dashing out there and running away…) with sun and no breeze. It’s even warm enough where you’re comfortable in a t-shirt.

So, picture me sitting outside, on the patio sofa cross legged with my laptop strung out the door. The pup is sitting in the grass sunning himself, and I’m editing photos from Ireland among other places.

In the background, I have the TV turned on – and they’ve started with the hour of country music on viva. Not a bad thing… until this:

It made me pause, set down the laptop, walk in the house and look at the TV. I was laughing so hard that I almost had to go pee before the end of the video. Seriously, there is nothing quite like country music sung in that soft harmonic suthern accent… with German pronounciation and cheezy lyrics.
Hope you got as much of a kick out of it as I did.
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