sarcasm

Storm of the Epoch

Last Tuesday, I was reading a news article here in Dublin about how bad the weather was supposed to get this weekend. We’re in for a polar hurricane this weekend. It’s gonna be bad. So bad, in fact that it’s to be called the storm of the epoch. No really. I mean it. I’m not just pulling your leg…. I’m totally serious. It’s going to be travel chaos, once in a lifetime storm, and You can read the article here:

http://www.irishweatheronline.com/2010/12/severe-weather-alert-ireland-and-uk.html

The prize pieces of this article are the following:

“I can’t stress strongly enough that this will be a major winter weather onslaught and not just a drop in temperatures with a few local flurries.”

and

“When this polar hurricane develops…”

and

“All of these factors are building blocks towards what may become an epochal cold spell for Ireland and Britain in the next 20-30 day interval.”

Now, for those of you wondering, what exactly is an EPOCH?

According to the Geologic time scale – The largest defined unit of time is the supereon, composed of eons. Eons are divided into eras, which are in turn divided into periods, epochs and ages. The terms eonothem, erathem, system, series, and stage are used to refer to the layers of rock that correspond to these periods of geologic time.

An Epoch – more narrowly – is defined as tens of millions of years.

So, I am thinking “Day After Tomorrow” apocolypse type movie, and naturally planned for the worst. Made sure I had plenty of food, water, warm clothes in the house. I dug out my wool scarf, gloves, hat, and long johns (which weren’t put away very far since 2 weeks ago we had solid blocks of ice to skate to work on for a week) and put my heavy boots by the door. And I started waiting. and waiting. and waiting. and Guess what? I’m still waiting.

Wednesday night. Cold, clear, windy. -4 C.

Thursday night. Cold, a bit of mist, windy. -2C.

Friday night. Cold, flurries (didn’t even stick to most pavement), -3C.

Saturday night. Cold, clear, windy, -4C.

Sunday day. Cold, clear, sunny with blue skies and 2C (above freezing).

And the kicker? NO SNOW.
Not a bit. A hard frost – but the roads are fine, it’s not epochially cold. It’s not even a particularly memorable blizzard. Don’t believe me? Check out this picture – taken 5.minutes.ago.out.my.office.window…. by cell phone.

Dublin's Storm of the Epoch 2010

The storm of the epoch...2010.

Uh… Overkill much on that Dublin forecast folks? Where IS Robert Frost when I need him (Fire and Ice poem)?

(Ok granted, the storm went north and south of us, and they got lots of snow in the UK, but… I still don’t think that it qualified as “epoch” cold / blizzard conditions. Epoch? Really? Um.. The Ice Age.. now that was Epoch cold.)

Share

Silent Disco – WTF?

Silent disco at alchemy club

While I was in Ireland, I got the opportunity to go out and experience a bit of the local nightlife for A’s birthday. It was myself, A, A’s boyfriend, and several of A’s friends and roommate. It was her birthday, and she was very excited to go out to the Alchemy club in Dublin – and kept saying it was the hottest trend in night spots. I was rather excited – we’d spent the afternoon shopping and got a cute outfit. To say the least, we were quite cute and dolled up.

Anyhow, out we went to Alchemy. Overall the club was pretty fabulous. White diner style booths with blue and red Leds around the base, lots of shiny mirrors and reflective surfaces – and a great big dance floor with stage at the front. Despite the fact that the guys plopped the group next to a big brass pole (with a lampshade style top) which we teased them about incessantly, I thought this place has possibilities. Then, I looked at the drink prices and went well, they’re a bit steep – I guess I’ll only be having one or two, if that.

By 11:30pm, the place was just not happening. In the background was a female singer (belting out the latest and greatest of everyone form Pink, Lady Gaga, and Byonce) who was pitchy, and had the philosophy of “sing louder, it makes me sound better” who just made me cringe (ok honestly, I was wishing to go to karaoke just to have something that I know I should be laughing at!). Then, there were thye maybe 15 people in there, and the annoying fact that staff were busily “cleaning” so they weren’t standing about – mopping floors, washing mirrors/glass doors, and yes, even the columns. I was like uh… okay…

About Midnight, there was an influx of people – literally it was like the doors flew open and people surged in. Lots of single women, lots of poser metro-sexual style guys in their 20s who were sniffing about like dogs needing a place to piss. An announcer came on demanding over and over in between songs (the Banshee singer was still yelling) that we had to get our headsets now…

We were given neon green wrist bands (and of which people put in various places under their clothing to highlight naughty bits…) , and white 80’s style shades to wear. Amusing, but – the banshee in the background was still singing. A double Encore even – after promising to stop singing!! I wanted to leave, and was about to – until someone mentioned that tonight was “Silent Disco” night, promoted by Smirnoff – and we had to stay because it was the reason A had insisted we come to the club.

Intrigued, I asked for more information. Basically, on top of the 7 Euro cover charge, you paid 10 Euros to rent a headset (which was fully refundable). At 1am, the music in the club would be turned off completely (Thank GOD – I did have my MP3 player to enjoy once that happened!) and everyone with headsets would begin hearing music (I had brought my own – by chance!!) Those without the club provided headsets (and who didn’t bring their MP3 player) wouldn’t hear music.

Cool – I thought – it’s a great idea to stay within the “noise ordinance limitations” of the city. Plus, if you had the laser lights going and people dancing on the floor, it could be a bit trippy and a bit fun if I decided I wanted to have my own “mp3 player out — who needed to pay 10 euro if I had my mp3 right?!?”.

Anyhow, By 1:20 AM, the novelty had worn off (even without me pulling out my MP3 player), and I left.

Let me explain why this was a failure.

People got their headsets. There were 2 channels – A and B. A contaned disco music (think YMCA, KC and the Sunshine Band, etc). B contained “grunge rock” (Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Oasis, etc). Everyone was switching between them and kind of happy. Red lights followed one music set, blue lights followed another at, of course, two different speeds. Girls were dancing to the Disco, Blokes to the Rock.

Inevitably, people wanted to chat. Only they had on headsets. So, what should have been a “silent disco” turned into people who were too lazy to take off their headsets YELLING LOUDLY to be heard over the other person’s headset music. Multiplied by everyone in the club… with the lights buzzing and whipping about, the 2 different types of dancing… it was funny.. UNTIL….

The male drunks started singing. Off Key… Slurring … “WONDERWALL” in the corner.

And the girls started Singing /Dancing to “Saturday Night” in the opposite corner.

And then everyone started YELLING LOUDER to be heard over the singers… and well…. at some point, I decided….

Some ideas may be great when you’re stoned….
They really should stay there…. because Silent Disco – Not so silent at all.

Share