My Life

News of the “WTF?” weird

One of my greatest joys in life is the weekly (and sometimes daily) editions of the news of the weird. Things that just make you go HUH, WTF, and NOW HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT?!? seem to be in large supply these days.
A few examples from today’s lovely news sources:
Mom buys 19 year old son a car for Thanksgiving. Son gets caught with alcohol under the front seat by the snoopy mom. Mom puts an ad in the newspaper selling car saying that son is obviously NOT responsible enough to have it. That he’ll have to earn it by himself. I have 4 words related to this:
WAY TO GO MOM!
Husband tells wife she needs to get a job. She gets a part time job. Man is happy – then he visits the local Brothel – only to discover his WIFE is WORKING there. (Now really, how come it’s ok for him to go to the brothel – but not for her to work there? Double standard if I ever saw one!) Anyhow, they’re getting divorced now. (Duh – YA THINK?!)
Apparently this guy thought he had 666 tattooed in it somewhere. Yeah.. He’s a loon. However, it is sort of amusing that no one noticed this guy was kinda crazy, that he cut the hand of – and as if it wasn’t enough – tossed it in the microwave to make sure it was “dead”. (Soup anyone?)
4) Finally, and two straight out of the “weekend at Bernies” case file:
Guys wake up to realize their roommate died the night before. They put him in an office chair and wheel him with his social security check down to the local check cashing store. Thinking that no one would notice (It is NYC after all) they proceed to chat with the person behind the counter, and only get caught by an off duty police officer who notices the dead body sitting in the chair.
US Marshalls go to the home to deliver an eviction notice. Someone answers the door. Foul odor comes out, Police go in and discover the bodies of 3 children and an 18 year old woman. Unknown cause of death, but they’ve been there for 2 weeks. My question – What? It didn’t stink? How can 4 dead bodies be in an apartment for 2 WEEKS and NOT SMELL horrible? And no one notices the missing children – let alone the woman?
So, basically, since all these stories (except the one about the brothel) came straight out of the good Ol’ US of A, I just wanted to point out today’s lesson:
If your hand has the mark of the beast, you should cut it off, and put it in the microwave to make sure it can’t be re-attached. Just make sure that as a 19 year old, you don’t get caught with alcohol under the front seat of your car – you’ll be stuck without transportation and/or pain killer / steralization method for that circular saw you’re about to use to do the deed. Of course, no one will notice the chopped off hand unless you actually make a phone call to ask for help – after all, 4 dead bodies in an apartment for 2 weeks and wheeling a dead body down the street doesn’t draw attention either. Oh – and when you’re done with that, take a vacation to Europe, go visit the local brothel – you might just find your wife….
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My Predictions for the Year 2008:

My Predictions for the Year 2008 (yeah it’s a little late but better now than never):
a) Oil will hit 125 a barrel.
b) Depression will hit – (Recession is just a fancy word for a Depression after all)
c) Paris Hilton will get preggers by either K-Fed or Larry Birkhead (of Anna Nicole Fame) who she’s been seen out and about with in the last month. (Ok let’s be honest, I’m actually rooting for this one because I think it’d be ironic and funny.)
d) Life will go on. Yep, for most of us, life will go on. SSDD – you know the deal.
e) I’ll make it to China (ok I’ve had this as a goal to see China in 2008 since 2002 so demmit – it had BETTER happen!)
What are yours?

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Can You Say Ow?

On January 1, we had a snowstorm and got about 3 – 4 inches of very wet, large flake snow. Danai had never seen snow before, so Dad decided that we (Dad, Danai, This Dummy, and the Dog) had to go for a walk in it – thus resulting in us being covered in slushy wet snow, getting a bunch of cute photos for Danai to send back to mexico, and a brief attempt at a snowball fight which lasted all of 5 minutes.
Let’s just say it was nice while it lasted. Today, starting about 2PM ish, it started raining. Not like a normal rain, Oh NO… but a drizzle misty sort of rain that on the cold snow and pavement turned to ice. A thin sheet. Just enough to make everything VERY VERY slippery.
Ice on the pond
The result? I got home in treaturous conditions and had to take the dog out. Not a big deal – only – As he went bounding down the two stairs into the apartment building (they’re tile) and onto the cobblestones and started to slide himself, I managed to take one step and landed ass first on the cobblestones myself.
It was one of those moments where after landing you lay there for a minute, realize that the step is across the middle of your back, the wind has gotten knocked out of you and you think… OWWWWW!!
After groaning, confirming that nothing is broken, realizing I will have a step shaped bruise across my back (ok I can already see it forming in the mirror when I take my shirt off) and will be sore tomorrow, I did manage to complete the dog’s walk – with much slipping, sliding, and thinking MY GOD, don’t they SALT HERE? (They do – but were just starting as I was going in the house – Guess they saw me fall?)
At any rate, re the fall and subsequent bruise – I *WISH* there was a video camera there for that. At least I could be laughing my ass off with instant replay of that moment despite the pain I’ll feel tomorrow….
Update (20 minutes later): I just talked to my grandma. My Cousin Monica had a baby girl yesterday (Jan 4) – Arianna Marie – 7 lb 6 oz little girl. She’s 21 inches long and has blue eyes and reddish blonde hair. Congrats Mon!
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