*confused* *Amazed* *shocked*

If Life is Fragile, then how come it’s so hard to Die?

Ok so it’s not that I want all idiots/ stupid people to die – not at all. But, it’s moments like the following that I realize that maybe someone should have opted for abortion. Really. I mean how do these dumbass people go on living? By what miracle do they not get killed by the mountain dew cap shooting into their eye (hense the label to point the bottle away from them); blow drying their hair in the bathtub (again the label to NOT dry your hair while immersed in water – do they even know what immersed means?!?); or some other strange method that requires a label that most of us think “Who the FUCK would do that stupid thing?” and laugh.

We all know people who are dumbasses. It’s true. But how come they’re generally the ones to survive – and pass on their genes – and not the seriously super smart geniouses or something…. Life is Fragile – My ass. (Have you seen the things that people live through? My point exactly.)

So, what started my tyrade? I’m ashamed to admit that I’m from the USA after seeing this. Thank God I’m not blonde or related to this woman.

The following is taken from the show “are you smarter than a 5th grader?” TV show – and gives all Americans a bad name. Note that I’d almost bet money this woman is from North Carolina… but I don’t know if it’s right.

The best quotes are:

“This might be a stupid question. Ok Like I thought Europe was a country?”
“Like I know they speak French there, don’t they?”

“Focus.” “I am. Like I’m listenin’ to whut you’re sayin’ but I only hear what I wunt to.”

{watch the 5th grader – Nathan’s face as he tries to NOT laugh at her}

“HUNGRY?!?” That’s a country? I’ve heard of TURKEY, but HUNGRY? NEVER HEARD OF IT. “

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Holiday Comics – some things to think about.

I don’t have any claim to the rights for these images – they are all copyright their respective artists. I do, however, find them interesting and amusing from their blunt perspective on the holidays. Sometimes our comic artists (generally published in newspapers) really hit home on topics – especially when it comes to politicized ones.
Hope you enjoy! (and Notice the eBay reference!)

 

 

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News Flash! Paris Pleads for Pachyderms

Basted on a BBC news story about Drunken Elephants, the (begin sarcasm) brilliant (/end sarcasm) heiress Paris Hilton has made her way into the news again, this time attempting to get rehab for Indian elephants. I’m sorry, but this was just too frigging funny for me to NOT make up my own satyrical news story off of. I can see it now (begin funky hollywood style imagination music):

Headline: Paris Pleads for Pachyderms

Preccocious Party Girl Paris Hilton has nothing on Indian Pachyderms. When she’s drunk, Paris only provides porn – when they’re drunk, they trample the town. They have alot to learn from each other, but in true Paris style, a feud has begun and ended over who is allowed to participate and who should remain pure.

“Please, Pacchyderms! Precious Punjabi Pilzner is at stake here – and there’s not enough for the both of us. That’s just NOT hot,” pouted Party-girl Paris in her Porche.

“Poo on you!!” the Plastered Pachyderms perportedly said while pilferring the pub and prior to plowing into the power lines.

Perplexed by their plight, Paris responded.

“Poor Pachyderms. Painful persecution for pilfering punjabi pilzner is pathetic. Placating pachyderms is my new hot cause. Please people,” Paris pleaded, “Pachyderms need put into Dr. Phil’s prescribed program and saved from pilferring pubs and plowing into Power lines.”

Paris has presented plans for pachyderm – pilzner prevention.

In parallel news….
Peaceful protesters pushed a popular patriot proposal through pariliment….

(end dream-like sequence and close out the hollywood style background music)

On a lighter note, I guess I know how many “P” words In can fit into a paragraph!

Seriously though, I can’t figure out why Paris’s latest Elephant rant is news, but sometimes, the random vancancy of her mind (combined with my off the wall ramblings) provides for a bit of humor.

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