Winter is coming….

and I have now purchased a new winter coat.

One funny thing about shopping here in germany is that it seems all the stores carry the SAME style of everything. Finding a winter coat (or well, any clothes) that is suited to my body style/shape is really difficult. Let me explain. For those of you who don’t know me, I HAVE CURVES. God made me with a figure – with curves in all the right places. Bluntly, I have a chest, I have an ass. I am built to be athletic – to be a pack horse (as some would say) but I’m not a stick skinny little chick.

That being said, I don’t need my hips, my ass, or my chest to look any bigger than they already are. So, why do designers put big wide belts around the middle of a coat? WHAT is up with the military pockets that pooch out and make your hips look bigger? And why do they have to have them on the chest too? Really, they make me look short, fat, and NOT nice at all. End of story.

Now, that being said, the vast majority of coats here offered are black, dark brown, olive green, or white. Let’s think a minute (I know logic doesn’t play into this at any point) but it’s Germany. This is Northern Europe. It’s going to be winter soon. This means that it will be pitch black by 5pm for at least 3 months out of the year. WHY oh WHY do they want to give us dark coats? I mean the majority of the population is outside waiting on buses, trams, etc. Would it hurt to at least add some reflective qualities? Do they like the fact that people wearing these clothes *MIGHT BE HARD TO BE SEEN?* Ok I’ll grant you that at least these do hide the dirt….

Re White coats. WHY would you want a white coat in a city that it rains in nearly every day during the winter? I mean I’ll grant you some of them are very cute, but again, IMPRACTICAL. The dirt here is dark colored. Most people don’t really have a washing machine and “dryer”. No, everything is hung up to dry because it’s more economical. So, that being said, White coats would get dirty easily, be washed frequently, and require time to hang up (3-5 days) to dry. Who buys these? Who wears them? Do normal people really keep these clean? (Apparently I’m NOT normal because my winter coat gets washed at least 1 time a month – because it’s dirty around the cuffs and sleeves!)

At any rate, after much hunting – 3 stores near me, a trip to berlin, and finally to potsdam’s stern center “mall”, I’m pleased to announce I have a new winter jacket. Not only is it down, has no “military style” pooch out pockets, and fits, it’s also my favorite color. RED. *big cheesy grin*

I’m sure I’ll have pictures posted soon. Now the hunt begins for accessories (think scarf, gloves and hat – since this doesn’t have one with it). *Does No one here wear red? Oh wait… I already know the answer to that question. Only if you’re a guy or…. ME.*

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Lost in Translation (Take 3)

And now for today’s edition of Lost in Translation – strange and funny signs – only this relates to fashion. I’m often in Prenzlauerberg and absolutely love the people watching there. The only place that is comparable in the city is Potsdamer Platz (which has so many different walks of life going thru it’s really interesting.)

Anyhow, while in P-berg for sunday brunch, the lot of us decided to go over to the flea market and see what was available. Traditionally, flea markets are the “bottom of the barrel” and end up with lots of bad fashion. I’m used to that and fully expected to see lots of vintage *cough* and *cough* retro crap that was in good shape. What I never expected was to actually pass by a shop selling BRAND NEW bad fashion mistakes waiting to happen.

As seen in a shop window

Yes, darlings, this IS the shop window. Let me give you a few close-ups….
First we have the horrifying electric blue lame (lamee?) stretch with droopy butt hammer pants. They’re skinny leg, but designed to hang so far off your ass that you have the gansta look going. Or maybe not… perhaps it’s that you pull them up and do the “steve urkle” nerd thing? God only knows….but they’re pretty hideous.

Blue Lamee pants

Then there’s the bag dress designed to make you look like you just tied up the ends of a burlap sack to go the party.

Closeup of
Of course, we can’t have you going around with people thinking that you’re making your own clothes – so we made sure to put lovely little cloud type design on the front – so we can charge you designer prices! (yee-ha! – note the reflection of the guy passing behind us as proof this REALLY IS a busy street with traffic!)

Mannequin

And finally, as if those two weren’t enough, we thought we’d show you just how good you can look in our styling. Seriously – doesn’t this model look great? She is sporting a khaki fishing cap, leopard print leotard top with black trim – and because black goes with EVERYTHING – a pair of flashy spandex stretch silver and black checkerboard patterned leggings. Oh – and don’t forget that accessories make the woman!! Yep – check out our wide black cuff style bracelet – with the big white star!
Maria, Danielle, and I stood there horrified looking at this shop window, wondering if they were serious. We then continued walking. In the end, Danielle and I wound up going back just so we could go take pictures because we decided NO ONE would believe us without photographic evidence.
Somehow, this is definately one of those things that is lost in translation…..
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Lost in Translation (take 2)

Continuing with yesterday’s theme of strange signs here in Germany (although this may get expanded into around the world as I travel more) I thought I’d nominate a few more.

Today has a couple examples – First up is the business named DONER INN

Doener Inn shop - bad store name

I think it may only be amusing to me, but being that a Doener is a shaved/roasted leg of lamb sandwich, I’m not sure I’d want to eat at a place that’s prounounced similar to…
Done-Her INN. (Dare I ask where they hid the body?!?)
Anyhow, at the top of the picture, you’ll see a square thing with a giant “leg” of lamb roasting. Only, it appears that it could be something else. Is it “Her” thigh? Oh the things that make you go humm….
Now, maybe the person who decides to eat at the Doner Inn was at this cafe in Potsdam first. I call this the “confusing beer sign” although this guy appears to have more than just 1 vice.

Confused Bier sign

Notice that this old bier sign advertising bitburger pils has with klosterfeller beer advertised under it. Now Notice the Erdinger beer umbrella over the cafe tables. Yeah, it’s a cafe that serves beer… but why is this guy looking like he is holding out a joint and a beer? Do they sell a bit of pot here too? (yeah I don’t know – just guessing from the advertisment.)

Finally, an advertising gimic that would never fly back home in the states (I need to remember my camera to get a few more images as these billboards change according to “what’s in season” food wise.) because it’s too racy.

Sicher Macht Lustig! AIDS condom ad

The ad is for use of condoms to prevent HIV/AIDS. Great idea – just hilarious to see all these fruits in colored condoms that read “when you feel lust, give AIDS no chance”. What this has to do with fruit, I don’t know. I just hope that I’m not the one actually buying the left over food at the grocery store. (EWW!!)
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