10 days ago, I had a voucher for a flotation experience that I used. I’d gotten it for a little under half price – and it was described as follows:

You’re weighed down by your woes and sinking like a ship under stress. Free yourself and see what’s afloat at the XYZ(name removed) spa, Dublin’s fabulous floatation therapy centre, where today’s deal lets you pay just €20 for an hour-long flotation experience (regularly €60). Cast off your cares, abandon your anchor, and let yourself drift away on a warm raft of water. Go with the relaxing flow and you’ll feel as light as a feather as you float on a soothing solution of Epsom salts in your own private haven of calm. The best part? With a deal this great, you won’t find yourself bankrupt once you’re back on dry land.

Never having done this before, and being that it had a picture of a lady in a swimming pool floating, I thought this could be really relaxing and fun.

When I got to the center, the place was brightly colored and had tons of atmosphere. Despite being in the basement, it was quite cheerful. The guy who owns the place collects artwork, and the place was covered floor to ceiling with paintings in various frames and of all different styles. Visually it was really stimulating to see all of the artwork packed in one place – with barely any space on the intense violet, pink, and lime green walls. The style of the paintings was everything from classic still life paintings of flowers, to modern art and abstracts. The one thing they had in common was they were simply something that caught the owner’s eye – and most of them, thereby were interesting to me too.

After about a 20 minute wait (which I mostly spent gazing at the paintings on the wall and flipping through the auction books on the table) the person using the flotation area vacated. I overheard him discussing another appointment, saying how an hour wasn’t long enough – he was using the flotation experience to meditate, and looked forward to his next appointment – could he have it for 3 hours. As part of the conversation – the owner was saying how the longest he’d enjoyed floating/meditating for was 6 hours. They went into how great that was for mind and body and so on.

Eventually, the owner went back and drained and filtered the water, and I could hear the noise of the water running as it was refilled. Finally, he invited me to enter the tiniest of rooms. This room had no artwork on the walls – instead, it was a warm brown, and was wood paneled similar to a sauna, and had a carpeted floor. Entering the room, I had to turn sideways and walk around this fiberglass tank that was about to my chin – and about 6 foot wide. Much to my surprise – it was not just a “flotation experience” it was actually what we would call a sensory deprivation tank as it was covered and had a door to step in and out.

Well, I figured, for 20 euro, this could be interesting. I was instructed on the use of the tank, advised to take a shower first, insert earplugs, and to step in the tank. The tank was about knee deep in water and filled with epsom salts – about 3 times more than the salt in the dead sea. He reminded me that I don’t want to get the water in my eyes, and if possible, don’t drink it (eww! Nasty!) lest you want the runs later. Repeatedly he said to not be afraid, and that there was so much salt that it WOULD support my head. Essentially, he said, get in, flip off the light, and just relax to float your cares away.

When he left the room, I followed the instructions – (except I forgot the earplugs) and climbed in the tank. The water was warm – and the humid fiberglass enclosure smelled slightly of the sea. You could see the steam rising off the water, and as I closed the door and sat down, I realized that even trying to sit so I could close the door behind me – the salt water made me so buoyant it was difficult to not float. Proceeding to the opposite side of the tank – with my feet toward the door – my head toward the top of the 7 foot long enclosure, I leaned back and began to float. Turning out the light, I began to concentrate on relaxing.

Thinking to myself “inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale” and “relax” and working toward clearing my mind, I kept coming back to the fact that the water was warm and slightly slimy. I also had a difficult time staying still – because each tiny movement moved me around the tank and resulted in gently tapping the sides with my fingers or my toes. This process lasted about 30 minutes – and let me say that it was a LONG 30 minutes. As time dragged on, I kept thinking to myself “inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale” and “relax” and trying to enjoy the experience. I could hear my heart beat in my ears, I could hear and feel my breathing. I could hear the gentle slosh of the water against the sides in the rhythm of my breathing as I continued to float.

Yes, I was finally relaxed! (Doh! damn it! I just thought about it… try to clear mind again… stop thinking…) And then, suddenly, my leg involuntarily twitched. Despite all my trouble to NOT move and remain relaxed, this twitch sent me off, and pushed my head into the top of the tank with a hardy “bonk”, which caused me to jump and splash…. and viola, the water was in my face… In my mouth and worse yet, eyes…

sputter sputter… spit spit…cough cough…

and what do you do when salt water gets in your eyes?

You reach up with your hand (still covered in salt) and try to wipe it out, right? Yeah.. almost. I realized as my hand was on the way up that that wasn’t a good idea….and promptly sat up (not a good idea either because my hair then DRAINED down my face) before I could…

Eventually, my eyes watered enough to get the slimy salt water out, but nothing could get the taste of the water out of my mouth. At that point, and quite suddenly, I was claustrophobic and just couldn’t breathe in the humid airless atmosphere. Then, I tried to figure out where I was in the tank, turn on the light, and open the door – because I just couldn’t stand it anymore. 5 minutes later, I had the door open, was breathing cooler air from in the room, and had calmed myself back down. Closing the door and turning back out the light, I tried again to relax…. Only….

No amount of trying to relax, recenter, and refocus was going to get me back into the state of attempted meditation. Pretty much, I was now worried about bumping into the sides of the tank, getting nasty water in my face/mouth/eyes, and/or my mind was focused on the fact that I went in the tank at 5pm and was now quite hungry and had to pee.

At an hour, there was a knock on the outside door and the light in the tank went on automatically. Let’s just say I was quite relieved to have made it an hour in the sensory deprivation tank. Heck, I was ready to get out somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes, and probabally should have.

Getting out, showering again, getting dressed and heading back toward the front of the spa, I realized that I was rather ashamed that I’d only made it for about 30 minutes before wanting to get out. I can’t imagine staying in there for 3 hours or 6 hours or even longer. I get the point – but either I need to work on my meditation – or I need goggles or something…

Let’s just say that it was an experience, and for 20 euro, not too bad in price. I won’t be doing it again – because I think that an hour the first time was just too long and I don’t think I can be that still and quiet for any longer. It’s quite simply not my “cup of tea” (to float in) but at least I can say I tried it.

One little note – I convinced one of my friends to buy the voucher as well, and they went in about an hour after I got out. Later, they stated that their experience was similar to mine (except for the water in the face) with the 30 – 45 minute mark and they too wouldn’t do it again. Their reasoning however made me laugh. Essentially, the whole experience made them recognize that this how a turd must feel floating down the sewer.