This week I had to go to the airport to meet up with a friend. They’ve redone their announcements since the attempted Christmas “underwear” bomber, and it made us both crack up laughing – apparently we have a new animal at the airport.

In a German airport, of course, you expect the original announcement to be in German. However, they also do the ‘courtesy’ of translating it to English so we can better understand what they’re saying. In this case, it’s been read by the same female individual, with a horrible accent and even worse grammar – to the point that it left me wondering about why they don’t hire a native English speaker to CORRECT and READ the announcement.

The announcement is effectively:

“Now securitee gedelines state that bags cannet be left alone. Please do not accept propertee of the other people. Parking is not allowed in front of the chicken areas….”

Um… CHICKEN AREAS? Really? Where exactly are these Chicken Areas? I think maybe they mean CHECK IN areas but…

Even better is the fact that bags cannot be left alone. I think they want to say that bags should not be left unattended, – but then again, maybe the bags get lonely….

Also, I shouldn’t accept items from unknown persons- now really, how do I not accept items from unknown persons – especially since they’re the ones generally SELLING items in the stores – does that mean I can’t take anything with me? Wouldn’t the airlines love it then.. no baggage…

Otherwise, they’ve also changed the announcements on the trains. Yes, I get that English is confusing, and that it’s difficult, and that these are relatively new (they’ve just added the English at the most touristy spots in the last year) . Again, why not hire someone to correct this? (If you’re going to do it, do it properly!)

The Announcement (Again, a literal translation of German):

“now arriving at station (name). Please leave the train to the left / right”.

I always want to ask ‘you want me to leave the train to the left of what – the kitchen counter? the street?’ Is it so someone can find it later?

I mean – I know that they are saying that I should EXIT through the Left/right doors, or maybe that I should exit on to the left platform, but either way, it’s still not correct the way they’ve stated it, and leaves me feeling a bit …

Lost in Translation.