Basted on a BBC news story about Drunken Elephants, the (begin sarcasm) brilliant (/end sarcasm) heiress Paris Hilton has made her way into the news again, this time attempting to get rehab for Indian elephants. I’m sorry, but this was just too frigging funny for me to NOT make up my own satyrical news story off of. I can see it now (begin funky hollywood style imagination music):

Headline: Paris Pleads for Pachyderms

Preccocious Party Girl Paris Hilton has nothing on Indian Pachyderms. When she’s drunk, Paris only provides porn – when they’re drunk, they trample the town. They have alot to learn from each other, but in true Paris style, a feud has begun and ended over who is allowed to participate and who should remain pure.

“Please, Pacchyderms! Precious Punjabi Pilzner is at stake here – and there’s not enough for the both of us. That’s just NOT hot,” pouted Party-girl Paris in her Porche.

“Poo on you!!” the Plastered Pachyderms perportedly said while pilferring the pub and prior to plowing into the power lines.

Perplexed by their plight, Paris responded.

“Poor Pachyderms. Painful persecution for pilfering punjabi pilzner is pathetic. Placating pachyderms is my new hot cause. Please people,” Paris pleaded, “Pachyderms need put into Dr. Phil’s prescribed program and saved from pilferring pubs and plowing into Power lines.”

Paris has presented plans for pachyderm – pilzner prevention.

In parallel news….
Peaceful protesters pushed a popular patriot proposal through pariliment….

(end dream-like sequence and close out the hollywood style background music)

On a lighter note, I guess I know how many “P” words In can fit into a paragraph!

Seriously though, I can’t figure out why Paris’s latest Elephant rant is news, but sometimes, the random vancancy of her mind (combined with my off the wall ramblings) provides for a bit of humor.