Sarcasm & Humor

News Flash! Paris Pleads for Pachyderms

Basted on a BBC news story about Drunken Elephants, the (begin sarcasm) brilliant (/end sarcasm) heiress Paris Hilton has made her way into the news again, this time attempting to get rehab for Indian elephants. I’m sorry, but this was just too frigging funny for me to NOT make up my own satyrical news story off of. I can see it now (begin funky hollywood style imagination music):

Headline: Paris Pleads for Pachyderms

Preccocious Party Girl Paris Hilton has nothing on Indian Pachyderms. When she’s drunk, Paris only provides porn – when they’re drunk, they trample the town. They have alot to learn from each other, but in true Paris style, a feud has begun and ended over who is allowed to participate and who should remain pure.

“Please, Pacchyderms! Precious Punjabi Pilzner is at stake here – and there’s not enough for the both of us. That’s just NOT hot,” pouted Party-girl Paris in her Porche.

“Poo on you!!” the Plastered Pachyderms perportedly said while pilferring the pub and prior to plowing into the power lines.

Perplexed by their plight, Paris responded.

“Poor Pachyderms. Painful persecution for pilfering punjabi pilzner is pathetic. Placating pachyderms is my new hot cause. Please people,” Paris pleaded, “Pachyderms need put into Dr. Phil’s prescribed program and saved from pilferring pubs and plowing into Power lines.”

Paris has presented plans for pachyderm – pilzner prevention.

In parallel news….
Peaceful protesters pushed a popular patriot proposal through pariliment….

(end dream-like sequence and close out the hollywood style background music)

On a lighter note, I guess I know how many “P” words In can fit into a paragraph!

Seriously though, I can’t figure out why Paris’s latest Elephant rant is news, but sometimes, the random vancancy of her mind (combined with my off the wall ramblings) provides for a bit of humor.

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Train Wreck in Progress – please hold on…

With all the recent press coverage over Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan to name a few, you’d think there couldn’t possibly be another Train Wreck in progress. Unfortunately, much like Anna Nicole Smith (whose life was an absolute train wreck… and her kids have really paid a huge price) it appears that we’ve got another talented young lady whose life seems to be going down the tubes – and rather quickly….

Amy Winehouse. Last night’s performance at the EMA (european music awards) 2007 in Munich was carried live on MTV here. Since there wasn’t much else on, I figured I’d tune in. All I can say is that the back up dancers did a nice job trying to cover up just how messed up Amy was. Since I’m not sure you saw it – (can anyone tell me what the lyrics really were?) – I thought I’d post it in my blog.

In the meantime, PLEASE SOMEONE – GET THIS GIRL SOME HELP. She really needs it, and we don’t need another train wreck in progress.

On a side note – I’m off to Magdeberg today – so I’m sure I’ll have a ton of pictures up soon.

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Lost in Translation (take 6) – Halloween Edition

Happy Halloween Everybody!

It’s my favorite holiday because well, you can dress up as anything you want to be – good, bad, or ugly. Plus, you get to go banging on your neighbor (and complete stranger’s) doors and beg for Candy (beer, food – whatever). Oh.. and then there’s the whole scary part. I like that factor too.

Anyhow, in honor of the holiday, I thought I’d do the Halloween Horrorfest version of Lost in Translation. Signs seen along the way….

First up.. there’s a production here called “Tanz Der Vampire” (dance of the vampire) that’s apparently a huge hit here in Berlin. I keep seeing signs for it everywhere and they have a great setup in Alexanderplatz where as you’re going through a tunnel, haunting singing is triggered (at night only). One of their advertisments contains a warning for all of us:

The Vampires love Berlin
Literally, it says “The Vampires LOVE Berlin” then it has a vampire warning sign with the words “Sundown to Sunrise”. Personally, I love the concept of the flying vampire about to get me. *evil grin*

Adding to the horrorfest is the “heine bakery and pastery shop” that’s near where I live. Beware when going in – you might not make it back out again…. (Not to mention what exactly ARE in those baked goods/pasteries anyhow?)
Heine Bakery and Pastry shop

Next would be the Kaos Tattoo & Piercing Parlor. Another location in the town I live in that makes me wonder… would I entrust my body to a place named KAOS? Yikes…

Kaos Tattoos & Piercings

Speaking of strange places…. Apparently there’s an erotic museum in the city. Over the weekend I did find it. Not so bad – except for the signs that say “erotic Museum” sponsored by “beate uhse” (beat us – pronounced in english) clothing. Don’t blame me for the puns below – this is really a street which goes to Wedding, has parking, and well… an erotic museum where everyone wants to be “beaten”.

Erotic Museum (pun-ny)
Last but not least… (and perhaps the most frightening of all) ..

You can’t have Halloween without an ELVIS. Yes, yes, ladies and gentlemen, this was seen in a store window on the Ku’Damm over the weekend. No kidding…
Glamour
Happy Halloween, this has been the Halloween Horrorfest version of “LOST IN TRANSLATION”. Now back to your regularly scheduled Scream….
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